Confession time: I've been spending more than an embarrassing amount of time playing The Sims lately. I go through phases with the game; before this I hadn't played it in over a year. There are some times, though, when my life isn't as exciting or as fulfilling as I'd like it to be, and The Sims doesn't solve that problem but it allows me to extract myself from it for a while.
It's soothing.
It's really really fake.
Which is why I'm so glad Sharon came up with blogging 10 minutes per day, because yesterday, following my post, I then wrote on a short story for 10 minutes, and then worked on my animated film for 10 minutes. I wrote a storyline sketch and began storyboarding. So I took a half-hour out of my clearly super-busy Sims schedule and, instead of dictating the lives of the people who live in my computer, I actually created. I made something. I worked on making somethings. Which is pretty cool, and very satisfying. I've been vacillating for nine months now, ever since finishing grad school. For so long, my identity was wrapped up in being a student; I had been one, full-time, for six years. And then... it was over. I wasn't a student anymore. I didn't have to cram in a thousand pages of reading over each weekend. I had all this free time, but the freedom was restrictive. It was up to me to decide what to do with my time. I had no priorities imposed upon me.
I believe (and hope to experience someday) that this is what happens to people who win the lottery. If I were to win, I'd keep my part-time teaching job. I don't do well without somewhere to go every day. I need structure. I need someone to boss me. I need to be on a schedule, at least to some degree. I would take my time off to travel and spend my mornings getting Swedish massages in my home (of course), but every afternoon, just as now, I would report for duty and do what I love.
Maybe that's my issue now: I bitched and moaned, just because that's my personality, but I truly loved being a student. If I won the lottery I'd go back and get another degree, in something completely different. I would keep pushing myself and developing and growing as a person. That's what education really is about, isn't it? It's what we learn, but it's also how what we learn changes us. It's a selfish endeavor, sure, but I think ultimately it's less selfish than not ever growing as a human being. When we don't grow, those around us suffer. We don't usually notice when we're not growing, at least while the stagnation is going on. At least I don't; I went through a period of stagnation in my 20s, brought on by depression. At the time I didn't realize it was happening; only after getting a good job and medication did I realize what was awaiting me in the world. I had thought I'd reached my limit, but I know now that my potential is nearly unlimited. It's unlikely I'll be a brain surgeon, but there's nothing wrong with exploring that possibility.
Time's up. Gotta go. Thanks for indulging me.
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